In the air

There once was a boy called Pete
who had rubbery feet
he bounced so high
he touched the sky
and the ubiquitous spirit he did meet

What will you be?

What will you be when you grow older?
write a novel
and become an author

What will you be when you are bigger?
get a licence
to operate a digger

What will you do when you leave home?
ascend to be King
and sit on a throne

Yes, you can be anything you want, take heed
self belief and determination is all you need

So what will you be when you are taller?
skipper a boat
and be a fish trawler

What will you be in twenty years time?
become a policeman
and solve lots of crimes

When you get older, what will you do first?
learn how to help people
and become a good nurse

If you have a wish, you know what you need to do
follow your heart and your wish will come true

Face fuzz

There was an old man called Gwyn
who had the hairiest chin
every night it would itch
and grow another inch
til it reached down as far as his shin

Wobbly bits

There was a girl called Kelly
who woke up with a wobbly belly
when she looked in the mirror
the reason became clearer
her belly was made of pink jelly

Toe jam

There was a boy called Cam
whose feet were thick with toe jam
he scooped it up with a spoon
by the light of the moon
and spread it on bread and sliced ham

Geyser face

There once was a girl called Rose
who had a really runny nose
it gushed like a geyser
she was such a sneezer
her friends called it a snot hose

Great Rocky

Rocky was a giant dog
he stood two metres tall
he didn't have a nice warm home
cos no-one wanted him at all

He spent his days sat in a kennel
in a crumbling old dogs home
the owner kept him locked in
so he never got to roam

He wasn't old, poor Rocky dear
he'd only just turned three
a life inside a prison
wasn't where he wanted to be

He longed to sleep on cushions
dine on roast veg and chopped meat
but most of all he wanted
to curl up by someone's feet

Then one damp day a face appeared
through the foggy gloom
a beaming smile and eyes so wide
Rocky's heart did bloom

The girl rushed up to Rocky's pen
a tear poured from her eye
'He's the one,' she cried with delight
'He's so timid and shy.'

Rocky's breath caught in his mouth
he'd been down this road before
but the girl led him from his pen
to be hers forever more

Down to the hollow

There once was a boy called Bud
who was always in need of a scud
but it was a bit extreme
to expect him to be clean
for he was a wallowing pig in thick mud

Magic shoes

There once was a boy called Guy
with a gift to stop himself from being shy
with the girls he did schmooze
wearing his magic shoes
and drifted up into the sky

Rear explosions

There once was a boy called Bart
who managed to hold in his farts
til he ate beans in sauce
you know what happened of course
his butt exploded into a million parts

Two left feet

There once was a girl called Trace
who thought dancing would be ace
with determination and grit
she put on her dance kit
but tripped and fell on her face

Chubby bunny

Rupert was a chubby bunny
going for the record
the fattest mammal of them all
so he would be adored

His daily chow consisted of
Seeds and fruit and nuts
and chocolate coated carrots
anything to expand his guts

His dedication was so strong
he never missed a meal
the day before his weighing
he chowed down on a plate of veal

When Rupert's owner placed him
on the vet's flat weighing scale
his heart sighed, he'd been pipped
by a guinea pig from Sale

Shrove Tuesday

There once was a boy called Grippa
who was a wicked pancake flipper
they flew through the air
stuck on ceiling and chair
and even on Grandma's fur slipper

Freaky fingers

There once was a girl called Ginger
who had ten bendable fingers
she could tie them into a knot
not one but the whole lot
but only her brother could untangle her

Knock 'em out

There once was a girl called Olive
who had so much love to give
when she fluttered her lashes
boys fell on their asses
and raised their voices an octave

Absent minded

There once was a girl called Bray
whose imagination went on holiday
hour by hour
she sat by the fire
dreamless and cold as clay

Shiny heads

There once was a girl called Claire
who refused to wash her long hair
her mum had enough
so she cut off the stuff
and now she's as bald as a pear

Pup surfin'

There once was a dog called Pet
who loved to surf the net
but got carried away
spending his owner's pay
and purchased a house and a jet

Aerial ears

There once was a boy called Piers
who had exceptionally big ears
they stuck out so far
like vehicle towbars
he could pick up TV in Algiers

Pat's new job

There once was a girl called Pat
who turned into a ginger cat
it was hard to adjust
to a life where she must
all day long chase mice and brown rats

The wrong nose

There once was a girl called Rose
who insisted on picking her nose
in the middle of the night
something wasn't quite right
she had picked her sister's while she dozed

Stinky feet

There once was a boy called Pete
who had the worse smelling feet
when he took off his shoes
the smell did effuse
till everyone passed out on the street

Nostril missiles

There once was a boy called Reece
and every minute he did sneeze
till he realised with joy
he could hit next door's boy
by stuffing his nose with chickpeas

Hugh's Loo

There once was a boy called Hugh
who got sucked down into his loo
as hard as he tried
he continued to slide
down into a vat of fresh poo

Copper Henry

Copper Henry was a cat
a sunbright ginger tom
he could see into the future
a talent he got from his mum

He knew when it would snow
and when it would rain
he even knew before
he was likely to feel pain

But best of all his talent
came in very handy
when he saved his friend, Jesmond
from his wicked owner, Mandy

Mandy would deny Jes food
and proper medi care
she wouldn't let him out to pee
and never combed his hair

Then one day when Jesmond pooped
across the kitchen floor
Mandy raised her hand to him
so he would do no more

Just as she swooped her rigid palm
to smite the cowering cat
Copper leapt to Jes's aid
and dropped something on the mat

Mandy took one look
and had a panic attack
the sight of the dead rat
made her fall flat dead on her back

If my dog could talk

If my dog was to talk to me
I wonder what he'd say
would he ask me for some food
or ask me out to play

If my dog was to talk to me
what would he say to you
would he shock you with a 'boo'
or say 'how do you do?'

If my dog was to talk to me
I know just what he'd utter
he'd tell me 'Cut the baby talk,
you sound like a total nutter!'

Zombie feast

There once was a zombie called Wayne
who knew he should eat only brains
but contrary to the fable
this zombie was able
to eat nothing but cold veg and grains

Death by ice cream

There once was a girl called Maureen
made entirely of mint ice cream
as she melted away
all she could do was pray
she was inside a horrible dream