The purple pirates

I used to hate getting into the bath. Not because I'm unclean or like to smell, it's just that bathing is always such a chore-fill the bath, undress, wash, dry, dress, dry hair. So I used to come up with all sorts of excuses to get out of it. I'd say I had a sore stomach, or I had an invisible rash that reacted to water, or that I had already had a bath even though really I hadn't. But one day my excuses wore thin and my mother resorted to desperate measures. Don't worry she didn't fling me into the bath, she gave me an incentive.
"Here," she said handing me a wrapped box."I think this might entertain you."
Eagerly I tore open the wrapping.
"I got it on the internet. I believe you just add water and watch," mum said.
The box read 'Purple Pirates' and had a picture of a pirate ship on the front with a captain dressed all in purple standing on the bow.
Curious to see what was going to happen I stripped off, leapt into the warm water filled almost to the overflow pipe of our deep bath and opened up the box. Inside was an intricately built wooden pirate galleon. It had tall sails, a tiny wheel no bigger than my pinkie, gangplanks, captain's cabin and even a pile of pirate booty on the polished deck. The only thing it lacked were actual pirates.
"I wonder what it's supposed to do then?" I said as I placed the ship on the water.
The second the ship got wet it shuddered, then sparks flashed all around it and with a loud pop the ship came to life. It's sails billowed, powering the ship across the gentle waves, over my feet. As it neared me I saw something move across the deck.
"Pirates!" I beamed.
No sooner had the word left my mouth the little pirates stood stock still and stared up at me. To them my voice was probably loud and booming and frightening but they didn't seem scared. They seemed as curious of me as I was of them. One of them ran to the bow of the ship and climbed up onto the rail. It was dressed entirely in purple and wore a wide purple pirate hat on its head and had long blonde hair.
"Who be you?" it asked in a dry voice.
"I'm Phillipa," I said. "Queen of the bath. Who are you?"
"I am Captain Carol of the Marley," it said.
"You're a girl. I've never heard of girl pirates before."
"That's because we are not braggarts like boys. We don't make up stories about out travels or how much booty we've captured from other ships."
"You don't like boys?"
"No. They smell."
"Not all boys smell."
"That's because of us, you see," said Captain Carol as swept a hand toward the rest of her crew curiously looking up at me from the deck. "If it wasn't for us every boy in the world would stink. And I have to say," she added, leaning a bit closer to me and taking a deep sniff, "you are pretty ripe too!"
Feeling a little stunned by the insult I shuffled back in the bath to get out of range of their acutely tuned noses.
"I don't smell. I just don't like baths. That's all," I said trying to defend myself.
"Well, we can soon take care of that, can't we girls?" said Captain Carol to her purple clad crew.
"Aye, aye, cap'n," they all chimed before everyone of them scuttled across the deck like ants.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
Captain Carol smiled at me. "You'll see," she said. "Ready the guns, ready the cannons."
"Aye," came the cries from the crew.
My eyes darted about the ship wondering what was about to happen but I couldn't see any of the crew, they all disappeared below deck. Before I was able to brace myself Captain Carol shouted 'FIRE' and hundreds of purple cannon balls and bullets peppered by body, exploding on impact and creating a purple soapy mess all over me.
"More cannons," cried Captain Carol.
Her order was carried out and cannons were fired up at my face hitting my cheeks and forehead with pinpoint accuracy.
"Get her nice and clean, girls. That's it," yelled Captain Carol.
The missiles were so continuous I was afraid to open my mouth in case a stray one landed inside it. When finally they stopped I looked down and noticed, with chagrin, that I had turned the water a kind of grimy purple colour.
"Our job here is done, girls," announced Captain Carol. "Clean as a whistle, as they say!"

As surprising as it was to be sharing my bath with a live pirate ship and crew I had to admit that it did make the experience a whole lot more exciting. Maybe I should bath more often!